On the Selection of Questions for the Census

You might be wondering how the Dada Scientists came up with the absurd questions on the Youtopia census (“What is your current gender?” – how temporally limiting!; “What year were you born?” – how predictable!; “How long is your longest body hair?”- what is this, a biometrics exam?! [maybe]). Lest you assume that our methods were subjective or imprecise, let me explain our systematic and highly scientific process of inclusion, which was based on a series of inquiries:

The abnormal numbering system of the questions was meant to keep survey-takers on their metaphorical toes. The question inquiring how many times the subject could spin in a circle before becoming uncomfortably dizzy was, admittedly, an attempt to have a variety of survey-takers spinning wildly about for our own amusement.

Finally, the ultimate determining factor in shaping the survey content was how many questions we could fit into two (2) double-sided sheets of paper, limited as we were by the cost of photocopying and acknowledging the fact that expecting completion of a document longer than four (4) pages would be, quite literally, a fool’s errand.