You might be wondering how the Dada Scientists came up with the absurd questions on the Youtopia census (“What is your current gender?” – how temporally limiting!; “What year were you born?” – how predictable!; “How long is your longest body hair?”- what is this, a biometrics exam?! [maybe]). Lest you assume that our methods were subjective or imprecise, let me explain our systematic and highly scientific process of inclusion, which was based on a series of inquiries:
Is this question utterly ridiculous? (If so, include [this is how you get questions related to things like voting behavior])
Will we be able to cross-reference the data with the BRC census? (If so, include, even if the wording of the question or the given answers is problematic)
Will cross-referencing the data with the BRC census allow us to make grandiose declarations about the remarkable uniqueness of Youtopia as compared with the Burn? (If so, include)
Is the answer open-ended? (If so, exclude, due to the difficulties of inputting freeform dada data into a spreadsheet after the fact)
Will the answers to this question enable us to verify our longstanding assumptions about the nature of survey-takers? (If so, include, even if the outcome is to completely disprove our hypothesis that a majority of survey enthusiasts are also glasses-wearers)
Will we garner responses that in some way make mention of penises? (If so, include [actually, this was not a conscientious choice on the part of the survey-writers, but an incidental factor correlating with question selection])
The abnormal numbering system of the questions was meant to keep survey-takers on their metaphorical toes. The question inquiring how many times the subject could spin in a circle before becoming uncomfortably dizzy was, admittedly, an attempt to have a variety of survey-takers spinning wildly about for our own amusement.
Finally, the ultimate determining factor in shaping the survey content was how many questions we could fit into two (2) double-sided sheets of paper, limited as we were by the cost of photocopying and acknowledging the fact that expecting completion of a document longer than four (4) pages would be, quite literally, a fool’s errand.